Feeling very blessed not to be on this week's list.
Summer is slowly coming to an end, and some of us are holding on for dear life (me). At least we've got this list of the best fails from this week to take the edge off the fact that the days are getting shorter soon:
1. A new meaning for the phrase "family" vacation.
Hit the end of my rope on vacation and said we aren't going on another vacation until the kids are 18, and instead of that statement having any emotional impact, the kids are excitedly talking about how they're going to bring their husbands and wives and children.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 21, 2024
2. The Oreos come for us all.
i cannot buy oreos anymore they talk to me through the cupboard like the green goblin mask
— milk (@milkinhisbag) August 20, 2024
3. I mean the money's nice, but...
me at the job i begged god for pic.twitter.com/14jcIdGUxg
— ⃟ (@FlVESTARWOMAN) August 20, 2024
BBC / Twitter: @FlVESTARWOMAN
4. Open mouth, insert foot.
Nice man at vape store said my total was $29.11, and a monster took over me and I blurted out “20 of em would be terrible” someone please put me down
— imre (@ihateimre) August 21, 2024
5. Sometimes you just have to prioritize.
My husband told me we need to buy less cheese, so now I’m clearing out all his stuff to make room for my new cheese fridge
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 21, 2024
6. What if...everyone just read them on their own...
Every Thursday we have a 2 hour staff meeting where the director simply reads to us from new policy documents she's made and then emails them after she reads them verbatim and pic.twitter.com/BMbstZvx65
— McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) August 22, 2024
7. What's in the bag??
number one sentence you don’t want to hear while passing a man who is on the phone and holding a bag: “yeah it’s alive and i put it in a bag”
— m’arty (@maddiewazowski) August 21, 2024
8. Such a precious moment.
— Matt (@scriptumsent) August 22, 2024Me (lying next to 4yo as he falls asleep, thinking about the brevity of life and trying to impress this very moment in my memory for when he is grown): I love you
4yo (whispering very softly): Daddy you need a mint
9. Personally, I'd have used it as an excuse not to go to my workout class, period.
at pilates the teacher asked if anyone had any injuries and this lady went “i got stung by a bee” and she was serious
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) August 22, 2024
10. First name only on the intercom, please.
mama at da airport lmao pic.twitter.com/SE8UxGw53P
— Big Rach (@googleymoogley) August 22, 2024
11. Hear me out: What if we did not get shown our photo memories at all?
Snapchat be like “Good morning! Here’s a 7 year old memory of you co*ked out at a Dave & Busters with a woman you thought was the one”
— W.E.B. DaBoi (@Tyre_94) August 21, 2024
12. It can't be a coincidence, right?
Weird thing happened yesterday. Husband and I both strained an ankle in exactly the same way at exactly the same time of day. He was at work and I was at home. The only difference being that he did it to his right ankle and I did it to my left. This is a supernatural account now.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) August 22, 2024
13. Jail for the manufacturer for 1,000 years.
The next time someone does one of those ‘write a 3 word horror story’ competitions, I’m going to enter this picture. pic.twitter.com/T9eSBSGGW0
— Caimh McDonnell (@Caimh) August 21, 2024
14. If you have constructive criticism, please keep it to yourself.
I just received some very valid constructive criticism at work so if anyone needs me I’ll by lying under my bed in the dark for the next 12 hours
— stangle’s kid (@stangleskid) August 22, 2024
15. Sometimes we just need a witness.
One thing I’ve learned is that no matter how hopeless I feel, no matter how stressful my life gets, no matter how many things seem to be going wrong all at the same time, there will be a dog standing there staring at me
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) August 21, 2024
16. By the time the realization is made, it's probably too late.
I really thought a Long lsland lced Tea was iced tea with liquor in it and now I've come to find it's just liquor with liquor in it.
— Papa Woof und Krampus und Bleaken (@woofknight) August 21, 2024
17. We're just supposed to go without coffee and food 'til 2 p.m.?
Not being able to eat before blood work is so stupid. Yes I'm aware my funyon levels have spiked am I dying or not?
— He Called Me Greenhorn (@WhatsAGreenhorn) August 21, 2024
18. One is the loneliest number.
Saying COW when you're driving alone just isn't the same
— 𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗸'𝘀 𝗛𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲 🍁 (@BrickMahoney) August 21, 2024
19. A simple mistake.
Remembering when I was in 7th grade and my bestie and I realized our grandpas both fought in WW2 and we were like “omg were they besties too?? 🥹🥹” and then I told my mom and she was like “honey……..Noelle is German”
— Cartoons Hate Her! (@CartoonsHateHer) August 21, 2024
20. Is there anywhereyou can ponder in peace these days?
went to the park to ponder only to find 4 other dudes already pondering there pic.twitter.com/Q8rPXP3pgI
— royse (@Roysenotes) August 21, 2024
21. Do NOT tell DJ Khaled about this.
There’s a teenage boy on the phone in front of the hospital and I think his mom just had twins because he’s pacing and going “No bro no, a brother and a sister, bro, no, no, bro, the doctor reached in there and PULLED OUT ANOTHER ONE.”
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) August 21, 2024
22. I'm a different person when I'm behind the wheel.
There’s nothing like commuting by car that reminds you that within each of us is a deep capacity for profound evil
— Kafka, esq. 🥥🌴 (@metalgearobama) August 19, 2024
23. Thanks for checking in!
Jesus Christ bro 😂💀 pic.twitter.com/th3JV6BlLy
— brae ᐞᐄᐞ (@itsBrae_) August 22, 2024
24. And finally...the math is not mathing.
when i was 19 i was dating this 32 year old woman who got very very upset when her friends asked me what we were doing for her 40th bday and thats when i learned she was, in fact, 39
— xdeadbeat (@pr0dxdeadbeat) August 21, 2024
As a consolation for their rough week, follow these creators! And if you'd like to see more fails, check out our most recent posts:
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13 Hilarious Internet Fails From This Week That Will Make You Laugh, Cry, And Breathe A Sigh Of Relief That It Didn't Happen To You
15 Unfortunate But Incredibly Funny Fails From The Internet This Week That Make Me Glad People Share Their Pain For The Rest Of Us To Enjoy
